With the good comes the bad...

My hubby & favorite bald Beauty!

  Today started off a good day! I've been "training" my hand to start working again and I have managed to make it so that I could pull my hair in a halfway decent ponytail, something I previously couldn't come close to doing. I got Abigail dressed with a little less trouble and have even been able to type a little better using both hands.  
  First thing I called the Neurologist fully expecting to be told they wouldn't see me or that they couldn't see me for 3 weeks and I would have to pay $300 up front. After filling the receptionist in on what was going on and giving her my info, she told me she had an opening tomorrow @ 2:15! I was ecstatic. I told the nurse that she had just made me so happy! (Who would have thought going to a neurologist could make someone excited.) She did tell me I had to pay $141, but since I was prepared for hundreds, $141 was not so bad.  Shortly after my mother informed me that my dad was able to put me on their insurance since I am under 26 (for another 9 months anyways). It doesn't start for another 3 weeks, and I am hoping that whatever gets discovered will be covered, but we'll see. I was just so happy to know I would have coverage for prescriptions or whatever I may need.
   Later on in the morning I received a message from a new customer looking to meet me to discuss a job. I told him that I could meet him at his office in the afternoon. When I got to the office I discovered that there was only a flight of stairs to get to the second floor, no elevator. I looked at the stairs a little nervously since it was the first flight I had to climb since my leg began acting up. The customer poked his head down and I said "bear with me a second" and he could clearly see I was struggling, to which he replied "Don't worry, I've been handicapped all my life so I understand". He too had problems walking. It turns out that he is a Mental Health Counselor, and an extremely nice man! If I was in need of counseling, I would definitely consider going to him. He may have even sneaked in a little counseling on me while I was there, asking me about my symptoms and sharing a story about a friend of his with MS-telling me how she has to inject herself in the thigh every day. That made this strange illness far more real for me. It's hard to realize the severity of it when I keep telling myself "I could be feeling worse"...yes, eventually it could actually be much worse. When I left his office I was actually in high spirits. I truly think that we meet some people at certain times in our lives when their life experiences and stories can help us. And although I obviously am very aware of the fact that many people out there are disabled, it really helped to see someone else when I was feeling so self conscious about my hobbling around and gave me the strength to tackle those stairs without fear of my leg giving out. 
  After my errands today I was very worn out. I think the fatigue is setting in. For the most part, I think I handle fatigue well. I don't think I treat myself well enough to prevent or limit my fatigue--for instance I was still working until after 7:00 this evening-- but I think I manage ok when I am exhausted, so far.  As the afternoon progressed I began to feel much more achy and my whole body for the most part has become numb, with hypersensitivity. My stomach and back are about 10x worse than they were the last few days. Overall I am feeling pretty run down and almost flu-like.
  I just put my little girl to sleep and as I watched her fade off into her dreams, I realized how truly blessed I am. She is the most wonderful and amazing thing in my life, and I cherish every moment with her. It breaks my heart not being able to dance around with her or hold her in my arms for hours on end, but I look forward to those times with her again at some point, and for now will enjoy whatever I can do with her. I guess we have to sacrifice something for every good thing in life, and she tipped the scale when she was born, so it's time for me to pay up!
  I pray for a miracle, that this is something stupid and not as serious as MS..but I am preparing myself for the worst. Getting some answers no matter what they are will really help and I hope they come soon. 
  Tonight I am just going to relax on the couch with my hubby and watch some TV. I look forward to getting to explain these bizarre symptoms to another person tomorrow afternoon!